Patience vs. Waiting: Understanding the Difference

When you're navigating the waters of starting a relationship with someone who appears emotionally available but may not be ready to commit, it's crucial to understand the difference between patience and waiting. Patience is rooted in understanding and trust. It’s about allowing the other person the space and time they need to grow, without pressuring them into a decision they’re not ready to make. It’s about being present with them, allowing them to unfold at their own pace while also maintaining your own boundaries and needs. Patience can coexist with your own emotional well-being because it allows room for both people to evolve—on their own terms and in their own time.

Waiting, on the other hand, is a much more passive, sometimes desperate, act. When you find yourself waiting for someone to change, to commit, or to finally be "ready," you're essentially giving up your own power in the relationship. You’re putting your emotional energy into the hope that someone will meet your expectations, rather than trusting that the right partner will show up when the timing is right. Waiting can be dangerous because it often comes from a place of wanting to fix or save the other person. It’s rooted in the belief that if you just stick around long enough or love them hard enough, they’ll eventually “get there.” But this mindset often ignores the reality that someone must be ready to meet you where you are, and that you cannot force their readiness.

If your pattern has been to try and fix people in relationships, this can be especially tricky. You might feel the urge to show up as the person who will help them heal, to make them whole, or to offer your emotional labor in the hopes of them seeing your value. But what you’re really doing when you’re trying to fix someone is negating your own worth. It’s telling yourself that you’re not worthy of a partner who is fully aligned with you, someone who is as ready for a committed, healthy relationship as you are. Fixing people ultimately leads to unbalanced relationships, where one person is always the caretaker, and the other is the one receiving. True partnership doesn’t require saving—it’s about mutual growth, respect, and commitment.

It’s important to ask yourself: are you being patient with them because you trust them, or are you waiting because you feel like you can’t move on unless they change? Patience should be about their growth and your growth, not about fixing them into someone they’re not ready to be. If you find yourself waiting, ask yourself if it’s time to step back, reevaluate, and focus on your own journey. The healthiest relationships come from two people who choose each other, not from someone trying to make someone else ready. Let them grow at their own pace, but don’t stop growing yourself while you wait for someone else to catch up. Trust that the right partner will show up for you when the time is right.