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Mindfulness in Sex Therapy: Unlocking Deeper Connection and Pleasure

angelanikitacara

Updated: 4 days ago

This September, I had the opportunity to attend a meditation retreat at Spirit Rock, and during my visit, I stumbled upon something I was excited about in the bookstore. There, nestled between the many shelves of male Buddhist authors, was a book that beautifully blends mindfulness with sex therapy—Maci Daye’s Passion & Presence. I was so taken by it that I couldn’t wait to dive in, and I spent the entire plane ride home absorbed in its pages. I’m excited to share some of the key insights I gained from her work, and I hope they resonate with you, too.


In Passion & Presence, Maci Daye flips the script on what you might think of as sex therapy, offering us an approach that’s less about “doing” and more about “being.” It’s not about chasing the orgasmic finish line or trying to meet some societal standard of what sex should be—it’s about leaning into the here and now, tuning into our bodies, and experiencing sexual connection for the rich, full experience that it is. The core of this philosophy? Mindfulness. It’s simple yet game-changing: drop the distractions, quiet the judgments, and just be with yourself and your partner in the moment.


Daye’s approach is all about dialing in to the senses. Forget the pressure to perform, forget the comparisons, and just feel. Sex becomes less about the scoreboard and more about the sensory details—the touch, the taste, the sounds, the movements. In doing so, we move away from our heads and into our bodies, experiencing a fuller, deeper pleasure that’s not attached to any end goal, but to the shared experience of connection.


Mindfulness isn’t just about physical sensations, though. It’s a tool for emotional awareness too. When those ugly feelings of anxiety, shame, or vulnerability start to creep in, mindfulness doesn’t push them away—it welcomes them. Instead of letting those feelings sabotage your experience, mindfulness helps you face them with compassion and curiosity. You learn to sit with those emotions, to understand where they come from, and—crucially—to not let them define your ability to experience intimacy.


A key concept that struck me in Daye’s work is sexual embodiment. The book pushes us to reconnect with our bodies—not just in the bedroom, but in everyday life. The more you get in tune with your body—through movement, yoga, breathwork, and mindful practices—the easier it becomes to drop into your sexual self with ease and confidence. When we’re comfortable in our own skin, pleasure follows naturally. It’s not about performing, but about *being* in our bodies and allowing them to guide us toward greater intimacy.


And let’s talk about performance anxiety, that invisible weight many of us carry into bed. Daye’s mindfulness-based approach to sex throws that whole mindset out the window. Instead of obsessing over achieving orgasm or checking off a “good sex” checklist, mindfulness invites you to be present. This shift from “doing” to “being” opens up space for true freedom.


No pressure. Just you, your body, your partner, and a shared experience—exactly as it unfolds.


If you’re ready to dive into a new way of experiencing sex—one that’s centered on presence, mindfulness, and deep connection—I cannot recommend this book enough. Get ready to explore your sexuality in a whole new light.

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