I can’t believe it’s a new year already. January feels like a month full of new possibilities and endless opportunities. I feel fired up about what’s to come, and grateful for the lessons and learning experiences that I gained in 2023.
So fired up that I almost forgot to celebrate a really important milestone in my life...
4 years of sobriety! 4 years alcohol free. 4 years of healing and growth.
I’d like to take a moment to soak that all in.
Having struggled with my addiction for over 10 years, making the decision to end my relationship with alcohol (while not as difficult as I had always anticipated it would be) was still no walk in the park.
But WHY did I choose to get sober?
I chose to get sober because my relationship with alcohol was ruining my life. It was ruining my relationships, my health, my work, and my finances. In fact, there wasn’t a single area of my life that hadn’t been impacted by my excessive drinking and as a result, my lack of inhibitions.
I chose to stop drinking because I couldn’t live one more day with the crippling anxiety, the guilt, and the shame I was carrying around.
And yet, I still had my reservations.
Would I be able to handle the challenges in my life without it?
Could I attend social events without being completely socially awkward?
Would I still be any fun if I took away the one thing (that I believed at the time) allowed me to open up and connect with people?
And my biggest fear of all - what would I do once the alcohol was gone and all of those terrible memories I’d been suppressing for as long as I can remember started bubbling to the surface?
At that moment, at the onset of my journey, I didn’t have all of the answers. I didn’t even have one single answer! All I knew was that I was no longer interested in causing chaos in my life and those closest to me.
I had to make a change. And I had to put down the bottle and face my fears.
I can now sit here, 4 years later, and confidently say that this was the best decision I have ever made. It’s provided me with the opportunity, resources, and time to heal my own wounds and show up in my community to help others on a similar journey.
This is invaluable to me.
And I know after a busy holiday season, full of parties and family gatherings - there are some of you that are feeling a bit worn down.
Maybe it was one too many coffees with Baileys, or a bottle of bubbly on New Years.
Whatever your personal circumstances may be, I’ve seen an increase in people hopping on board for dry January.
Whether this is a temporary goal of yours, or something you’re looking to make a bit more permanent in your life, I’ve learned 4 extremely valuable insights during my years of sobriety that I’d like to share with you.
You Can’t Heal Trauma by Repressing It
The things that have happened to you throughout the course of your life can’t be erased. They can be acknowledged, validated, and moved through - but our body never forgets.
When we experience something traumatic, it leaves an imprint on our body and our nervous system. In order to heal from the very things that have caused us harm, pain, sadness, or anger, we must be willing to look underneath the hood.
To honour our emotions.
To sit in moments of discomfort.
To grieve our losses and forgive ourselves for the choices we have made in order to survive.
By choosing to self-soothe with substances, we subconsciously block an opportunity for healing, transformation, and post-traumatic growth.
Substance Abuse is a Coping Mechanism
There are times when we turn to substances in an attempt to help ourselves cope. Unfortunately, this coping mechanism is not sustainable and only provides us temporary relief from the problems we are facing in our lives.
But it doesn’t solve the problem itself.
If the way you’ve learned to cope with your pain up until this point, is to turn to substances, your relationship with your DOC (drug of choice/drink of choice) is an attempt for survival.
Oftentimes these behaviours and coping mechanisms can perpetuate a cycle of shame. And what do we do when we feel shame? We seek to comfort ourselves and alleviate feelings of discomfort by reaching for our DOC.
Whatever path you choose is going to be uncomfortable, whether it’s deciding to stay stuck, or opting for change.
The beauty is that you get to decide which level of discomfort you’re willing to endure.
Removing Your DOC Does not Mean You Can No Longer Have Fun!
From my work with clients, there is a common narrative experienced when they are contemplating removing substances from the equation. And that narrative is this.
“What if I can’t have fun anymore because I’ve stopped drinking/doing drugs?”
I’ve seen this time and time again, and experienced it myself when preparing to quit drinking. When I sat back and reflected on why I associated alcohol with fun, I realized it was the only way I believed that I could enjoy myself.
I didn’t believe it was possible to have sober fun.
And yet to my surprise, getting clean and sober didn’t = no more fun. It was actually quite the opposite.
Not only could I remember the memories I was creating, but I could actually spend quality time with my friends and family.
It felt like a whole new world was available to me!
All as a result of choosing to work through my problems, rather than mask them with partying and substances.
Sobriety is a Lifelong Journey of Rediscovering Who You Truly Are
I’ll invite you to take a moment and think back to when you were a child.
What sort of activities did you enjoy?
How would you spend your time?
What were your dreams and aspirations?
I can recall little Keisha always loved to dance! She loved to spend a whole Saturday reading books, making crafts with mom, and helping her in the kitchen with baking.
What came as the biggest surprise to me as I was navigating my early years of sobriety, was that none of this had changed.
I still love to dance, read, make crafts, and bake.
These desires never truly disappeared as I got older. I just forgot about them because I was disconnected from myself and desperately seeking comfort through my addiction for so many years.
It takes courage to make a decision to step away from what is familiar, and into the unknown. Especially if you’re living in an environment that prioritizes and values party culture.
It can feel terrifying and unfamiliar.
You may question whether you have what it takes.
But when you remove drinking and drugs from your life, and rid your mind, body, and soul of the very thing that’s poisoning you - the abundance that follows helps you create an entirely different lifestyle that’s more conducive to the new, refined version of yourself!
You learn to move through your trauma, find alternative coping mechanisms, have even more fun, and honour your inner child.
You come home to yourself.
Future you and the integrity of your mental health depend on it.
Keisha Virago, RPC-C
Keisha can accept Austism Funding and you can see here on her calendar some of the insurance that she may be covered by. Feel free to check out the calendar for a free 15 min consults: